The inspiration for my blog this month comes from an Instagram post.
There is a woman who writes inspiring quotes in chalk on various LA sidewalks and then posts them under the handle @sidewalkwoke. When I catch one that really resonates, I repost it. She wrote one the other day that I just love. Written in yellow chalk in clear bold letters on Santa Monica and Highland, she proclaimed: “I hope you know that you matter.”
What a quote, no?? It is something I say to every one of my clients in my hypnotherapy sessions so they can really take that in. When in hypnosis, we are much better able to take in positive suggestions and empowering ideas. Not only do I say it to my clients, but I have said it to myself in my own self-hypnosis sessions.
First of all, DO you know that you matter?? It is not difficult to get to the place where you feel… inconsequential. It is a pretty crappy feeling, we have definitely all been there: when you’ve worked so hard and it seems like no one is noticing; when you feel rejected; when you feel like you aren’t being seen or heard, or maybe when someone important has forgotten your birthday, etcetera.
The question is, what do you do when you feel like that? Do you get upset? Bury it in a couple glasses of wine? Tell yourself that you suck? All of the above??
How's that working for you?
My assertion here is that if you make a habit out of responding to these kinds of situations in different ways, you will find that you will spend less time feeling insignificant.
So, here are a few things that you can do when you have marinated long enough in your feelings of being not enough:
1. Close your eyes and take a few nice, deep breaths. (Chances are, you haven’t been doing that.) What I like to do is imagine I am inhaling a very steadying, peaceful color or light and exhaling a darkness. I love a golden, sunflower yellow. For me, that is a very calming color. Maybe for you it’s turquoise or lavender. Whatever it is, close your eyes and breathe in your peaceful color deeply through your nose and imagine it filling you up, hold it at the top for a moment, and then exhale through your lips, and imagine any crappy feelings being exhaled as a grey or black smoke. Do that 3 times, and notice that you feel better.
2. Don’t take it personally. While your eyes are still closed, get a picture in your mind of yourself as tiny baby. Look at that baby, who is so beautiful and so worthwhile. Recognize that your worth as that baby has not changed since the day you were born. Whatever anyone has done that has you feeling unimportant, know that is has literally nothing to do with you. Your worthiness is as high as it has always been.
3. Get a hug from someone and let it in. Make it last at least 45 seconds. It can also be a child or a pet. Seriously, this totally works.
4. Think of what your grandmother would say to you in that moment. Or anyone who is kind and who loves you. Lean into that.
5. My favorite one: Take control of your thoughts and allow your mind to be encouraging. Whatever you wish that person had said to you, say it to yourself. The most important words you will ever hear are the words you say to yourself. If you need reassurance, validation or acceptance, get it from you. Be kind to yourself in those moments, that is the most powerful thing you can do because it will build your self-esteem so that you can grow instead of wither. Tell yourself you did a great job. Tell yourself you are beautiful and charming and smart and funny. Tell yourself that you have purpose here and everything is going to be all right.
And tell yourself that you matter. Because you do.